AAAARRRRRRRGGGH!!!!

[krossero]

Jeeezus!  My dad hasn't given me a guilt trip this rough for a *long* time.  Really driving the stake in, here.  Agh!  He's just so....GRRRR!

*can't even put thoughts down coherently, leaving now to slam head repeatedly against wall*

bastard bastard bastard bastard!

Comments

[sarituss.livejournal.com]

wanna talk about it? ^^'''

[krossero.livejournal.com]

If you're still up, I wouldn't mind joining you on Yahoo Messenger. :) *huggles*

[laurie-ky.livejournal.com]

Baby, what'd he say? And if you recognize that he's guilt tripping you, then don't let those buttons he's pushing work anymore. I hate to think of you so upset, take back your power from him. He wants to know he's gotten such a strong reaction from you. Thwart him by staying calm and cool. He'll hate it and it'll make you feel like you're not his puppet on a string.

Laurie

[krossero.livejournal.com]

He's just saying a bunch of the things he's always said, which is why I recognize it, but it just makes me so mad! And how can I not feel guilty when he starts to break down into tears, for God's sake?

[laurie-ky.livejournal.com]

Uh-huh. And this is a pattern of his, and I'm taking it for granted that you're not secretly an axe murder, or stealing the family fortune to support your drug habit, or anything else that would devaste a parent.

No, you're a bright young woman, excited about going to college and your aura is so strong and good I can sense the positiveness of it across the freaking internet. (I'm a hippie, we think stuff like this).

So, methinks those tears are more self indulgent and manipulative than anything else. He's supposed to be your parent for Christ's sake. Parents are supposed to act like adults, which it damn sure doesn't sound like he's doing.

I hope you do talk to your friend tonight, because if you can't get what you need from your family, then get it from your friends or the family of your heart.

Laurie

[krossero.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it is sort of a pattern, but I'm not sure he does it just to manipulate me. He's a very confused man, and can't get a hold on his feelings. He's been better lately, which is why this sort of feels like it came out of left field, but it really is my fault this time, kind of.

Thanks so much for your kind words! I looooove hippies! *g*

The tears...what can I say? I have nothing against men crying, or adults crying, or *anyone* crying, but he's so full of self-pity that it makes me uncomfortable. And I feel bad for that, because I don't think they're fake tears, they're his legitimate feelings. As for him acting like an adult? Sometimes it feels like I outgrew him at the age of 8. Which is where a good deal of our conflict comes from.

I don't know that I'll get a chance to talk to her, but just pouring all this out here has been the biggest help. Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart, for being here for me. This is why I love Livejournal and fandom so much; I have literally been able to rely upon the kindness of strangers.

*great big hugs!!*

[laurie-ky.livejournal.com]

Hugs back, darling. And I'm not against men or anybody crying, but he should't be dumping it on you. (and I'm not referring to tears of grief) If a kid frustrates a parent to tears, then that parent needs to go off by themselves or vent to their partner or another adult. Kids need their parents to keep it together, or else they'll try to parent the parent and that way much dysfunction lies.

Take care,

Laurie

[krossero.livejournal.com]

"that way much dysfunction lies"

oh so true. :D

Thanks again for being here for me. It means so much. You're the greatest. ♥

[karieflybabe.livejournal.com]

*Hugs tightly*

Deep breathes baby, In through the nose and out through the mouth...

And that bastard Mantra sounds like a good idea right now.

[krossero.livejournal.com]

Thanks! *hugs back*

Deep breaths, bastard mantra, and happy fanfics are my cure. *g*

[betagoddess.livejournal.com]

I have a book called "Toxic Parents" that helped me out a long time ago. Sounds like your Dad is one of them, too.

Try to stop those tapes from playing over and over in your head! I know it's hard.

::biggest hugs::

[krossero.livejournal.com]

I'm actually remarkably good at forgetting these things. Sorta have to be. By the morning, I'll only feel a bit peeved. It's actually a little annoying that I can't hold onto even a scrap of righteous anger, but I don't do confrontations well.

[betagoddess.livejournal.com]

You're probably a lot less stressed that way. I learned by the time I was in the thirties that my Dad was never going to change, but I could change the way I reacted to him so I did and it was an immense help.

Good luck!

[krossero.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I do think that in the long run, it's better and healthier for me to not be able to hold onto my anger, much better than bottling it up like I used to.

You're right; sometimes people just don't change. I'm afraid that my dad might be one of those people who never does.

Thanks for your advice. It's always a help to hear from others who know what I'm going through.

*smooches*

[arnie1967.livejournal.com]

Don't you just love families?

::huggles:: I know it's hard, but try to not let it get to you. You don't deserve that kind of crap.

[krossero.livejournal.com]

*huggles back* Thank you!

♥